he means what he says. I remember

. he even said for me not to deny myself just because we're apart, so long as I did not get into promiscuity or sordidness. Better to act out one's inclinations . . . he said . . . than to throttle them or indulge in fantasies. If our feelings for each other are true and real, they will stand comparison with other, lesser loves and still remain alive. There's more to love . . . he told me he told me . . . more to true love, than the flesh. "That's what he's said, exactly I can't forget it. Sounds corny? Maybe it is... but I don't think so. It . . . made sense to me. I'm still all for him and I'll be here when he gets back. Oh yeah . . . I've been out once or twice with other guys, but like he says, it's not the same.

...

"So, anyway . . . I was still going to school an' I noticed how all of a sudden a bunch of cats and roughs were fillin' up the place. . . seemed like there was more of 'em than I'd ever seen before. They made it pretty rough on guys who weren't like them. . . specially some guys who acted like they were queer. But these were pansies and I didn't have any interest in them but those crummy roughs. . . they beat 'em up an hit 'em with chains

sent two of

'em to the hospital. Those guys were queer .. sure, and maybe I thought they were silly the way they tried to act like girls, but they wasn't hurtin' anybody . any one a' 'em was smarter than a whole handful of those crummy roughs an' I think those roughs knew it too

.. so they hid it

Matter of fact. . . I think most of those ROUGHS were queer . . . only they were afraid of what their crummy buddies would think.. an' acted rough an' beat up queers

"Look man . . . you lousy punk "You sit down before I make mush outa your lip! I can fight, buddy. don't think I can't. All right. All right. . . that's better now . . . just relax. Oh so .. so where was I . . . oh yeah. Those 'roughs' . . . like you. . . well . . . I wasn't afraid of 'em by themselves. But they were always in twos or with a bunch of their buddies .. they were never alone . . . and the hell of it was they almost had the whole school sewed up. Nobody seemed to do anything about it... the teachers . . . parents . . . cops . . . nobody. ... cops . . . nobody. They had it made. An' they made it hell on anybody that wasn't like them . well, I was takin' my English class real serious . . . I was sick a' talkin' like this. It made me feel so damned stupid when I couldn't express myself any better than I did. I HATED talkin' like this.

"But those damned roughs . . . those crummy cats . . . they were all over, lookin' at everybody funny-like if they didn't jive-talk . . . and these clothes, T-shirt, cycle jacket, boots . . . I don't like clothes like this. . . I think they're corny . . . but I'm wearin' 'em . . . an' these crummy levis are so tight I can hardly breathe in 'em . . . but I'm wearin' levis. An' I'm talkin' like a dumb slob . . . yeah . . . I gave in. I played it safe . . . I became a 'cat,' a 'rough' . . . I wore these stinkin' clothes an' these lousy sideburns. I talked rough . . . but I didn't take out any girls an' I didn' stop lookin' at guys... I kept somethin' that was me. So . . . weeks went by . . . long weeks. Then I saw you.

"Man, you've HAD it!"

"Yeah? Well . . . so don't just stand there ..

shakin' your fists at me.

Come on... I won't use the damn knife. Come ON. If we're gonna 'go', let's get it over with . . . "

"Ah-h-h . . . nuts

"So sit down, then . .

"So you saw me then, huh. Oh man, are you gonna regret that!" Sit down!"

Okay.. finish it. I'm sittin'. Go on . . . finish it off. I'll wait. My time will come. You'll wish you were never born, dad. I mean it. You're gonna dance, daddyo. Um-m-m, um! Yes, you're gonna dance! Go on pops. Finish it."

"... there's nothing else to say . . . except I liked you . . . even though you were a 'rough.' I thought I saw somethin' decent in you . . . I don't think

one